karma.. faith.. hope and all that good stuff

So the universe has a plan huh.. umm does it really? Maybe it does but you don't have any access to it... so why bother. I believe in karma. You reap what you sow. What goes around comes around. But does it really? There are times when I find my faith shaken. I do all that is possible in my capacity to achieve what I want but my target seems to evade me. Maybe it needs more effort or maybe it is destiny and I don't deserve to get it. And why don't I deserve to get it.. is that the plan the universe has for me? Or is it a mix of wrong choices and bad decisions that I made.

I am an eternal optimist. I just cant give up hope. I guess that's what keeps me going - hope. I find myself picking up the pieces, finding my courage to keep holding on to hope and move on.. try a different approach. I am at peace when I am trying to achieve my goal. They say "doobte ko tinke ka sahara kafi hai". My optimism is my "peace" of wood.

Music that's the other thing that keeps me going. And Shine on.. one of my all time favorites comes to mind.

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom,
Blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!

You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
Rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!

journey is more important than the destination...

life is about experiences. the more you experience the more you learn. the more you learn the more you grow. and of course more the variety... spicier it is.

the past few years have been a roller coaster of experiences some fun... some not so happy and some very different. getting a job here in US and fitting right in - that was a shocker! knowing your capabilities have no geographical boundaries is a wonderful feeling. getting to know different cultures... making new friends... being accepted for who you are by those who are so culturally different... i even found the US version of me!

and life will have its simple moments.. the key here is to find happiness in simple things... which is really hard at least for me.. i always want more from life (i am grateful for what i have) and i tend to choose tough over easy. that could be a reason why i attract "difficult".. i dont like easy.. and i have no answer why.. maybe i like the struggle.. the challenge. i am often told i am strong... and i guess it is because of my struggles. From struggle comes strength..

as an after thought.. it is really silly to choose difficult over easy.. at this stage in life i would love life to be easy... choose easy if it is right ;) only fools rush in where angels...

whatever u do... wherever you go... enjoy the journey. i dont mean to underplay the significance of the destination... that is the ultimate goal right. one needs to do anything and everything to get there. sometimes u'll get there sometimes u wont. and of course there is no such thing as a negative experience. only opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road...

the right thing...

is it just me or is the right thing to do always super tough... the path of least resistance never happens to be the right one.. isn't it ironic then the laws of physics are based on this very foundation. guess life is much more complicated than physics.

these days i think before i act.. maybe i am growing up. its tough to do the right thing but i try. can't keep being impulsive all the time.. and then u have to learn from your past mistakes. i guess i now realize the importance of history. as a kid i hated the subject but it seems to makes sense.

a friend once told me "i regret the choices i did not make" think about it for a sec it takes some time to sink in. so one way of looking at it is right choice may not make u happy right now but in the long run u will thank yourself for being wise. And then there is this other side to it.. "what the heck. let me do what feels good" the path of least resistance. easy. instant gratification. "i may regret it tomorrow.. maybe i wont. i'll cross that bridge when it comes."

if any of u happen to read this.. i'd like to hear ur thoughts/experiences... do u regret any "right" choice u made...

(was written in July 2008)

life is short play hard!

life is too short to be wasted away being complacent. in fact being complacent is worse than being in a dump. at least when you are in a dump you would try to get yourself out of it. its positive action. its much much better than being in some kind of a pseudo comfort zone which will get you nowhere. well it is a pseudo comfort zone... coz u know its not really "the" place u want to be... complacency leads to inertia and it takes a like 100 Newtons to shake it off. you know within you want more but you get caught in the rut of "okay".

sometimes complacency is a result of lack of options. when your life is governed by factors outside your circle of influence. its a stifling feeling. you know you can do more, u deserve much better. i guess the only thing in your control then is to grow laterally if you cant vertically. that could keep you occupied for some time but then you are back to square one.

so then if you have a goal and your eyes are set on that goal, take steps to reach that goal. so what if they are baby steps. at least its progress. and its in the right direction :) and then you would require push less than 100 newtons to shake off that inertia! keep exploring for alternatives that would enable you to take th big leap forward... and make your dream come true.

dream on! play hard! its worth the struggle :)

(written on July 18, 2007)